Love and Relationships: The chemistry of loving

Love and Relationships

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Love and Relationships Article
The Chemistry of Love: It's why begin to stammer when you fall in love by Jen Muehlbauer

When sparks fly between two people, we're quick to say they have "chemistry." Not everyone realizes that such couples literally have do have chemistry -- it's what's behind those sweaty palms, thumping heart, and nervous jitters. Chemistry also contributes to that warm, comfortable relationship feeling you get from being with a longtime partner.

In the mid-1960's, psychologist Dorothy Tennov surveyed 400 people about what it's like to be in love. Many of her respondents talked about fear, shaking, flushing, weakness, and stammering. Indeed, when human beings are attracted to one another, it sets off quite a chain reaction in the body and brain. But there's a perfectly logical explanation to those intense feelings.

The most well-known love-related chemical is phenylethylamine -- or "PEA" -- a naturally occurring trace ammine in the brain. PEA is a natural amphetamine, like the drug, and can cause similar stimulation. This natural upper contributes to that kick-up-your-heels, on-top-of-the-world feeling that attraction can bring, and gives you the energy to stay up all night talking to a new love.

Feeling Dopey

You can also get a non-romantic dose of PEA from high-intensity activities like skydiving, or by eating chocolate. According to Chocolate.org, chocolate contains small amounts of our love drug, PEA. That might be why some people use chocolate as "comfort food," getting the same warm, relaxed feeling from chocolate as others do from Mom's chicken soup.

Another euphoria-inducing chemical in your brain, norepinephrine, stimulates the production of adrenaline and makes your blood pressure soar when near the person you're attracted to. That's why you might experience a pounding heart or sweaty palms when you see someone you've got the hots for.

When The Honeymoon's Over

Some scientists believe that after a certain period, from 18 months to 4 years, one's body gets used to these love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to uppers like PEA, passionate romances can cool into what Helen Fisher, author of "Anatomy of Love" calls "attachment." In this phase of the relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain opiates more like morphine than speed. "Unlike PEA," says Fisher, "they calm the mind, kill pain, and reduce anxiety." So what some people call "separation anxiety" might actually be a form of drug withdrawal.

Lynn Harris, co-creator of BreakupGirl.com wonders if it's the other way around. "Relationships take work. They just do. And people get lazy after a while," she says. "So do they get lazy because they're getting immune to the chemicals, or do they get lazy because they just do...which triggers a decline in the chemicals?" Maybe that's why they look to personal ads.

In the end, even hard-core scientists agree that relationship chemistry isn't everything. Culture, circumstances, personality, and scores of other variables help decide who turns your head and who leaves you cold. So don't try to reproduce that lovin' feeling in a basement chemistry lab--but do try your best to enjoy the natural highs that life gives you. Search for personal ads below.

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