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Making A Good First Impression
by Trish McDermott
There are no second chances at making a spectacular first impression.
Those first few seconds of contact become a benchmark for every subsequent
impression you make. We are a world in a hurry, an accelerated pace keeps
us competitive, instant assumptions often lead to immediate decisions
to accept or reject a job, a deal, or even a potential lover.
In romance many of us, especially anyone who has been around the block, take a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) approach. Why second-guess the obvious? In just under ten seconds, enough time to read the first few lines of an email, glance at a profile or extend your hand and offer a friendly "hello," someone is forming a first and lasting impression of you. Is it a good one?
Your Profile As
A First Impression
Your profile is a uniquely personal introduction. Think of it as equivalent
to not only what you say when first meeting a potential date, but also
what you are wearing, your posture, eye contact, the firmness of your
handshake--even your makeup, perfume or cologne. While there is no one
profile style that suits everyone, a charming, humorous, poignant, creative
or otherwise distinctly unique approach may improve your results.
Likewise,
there are some general breeches of romantic protocol and self-expression
that should be avoided. You wouldn't show up late, wear a soiled jacket,
or chew with your mouth open on a first date at a fine restaurant, so
don't behave inappropriately or to your romantic detriment in your profile.
* Use an uncommon or striking headline. Avoid boring demographic descriptions
like "SF Seeks SM for LTR." Instead, have some fun. Be daring!
Elicit an emotion! Express yourself!
* Proofread. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are as important as content.
Think of the presentation of your message as a way of dressing for a date.
While clothes don't make the man (or woman), no one wants to appear shoddy
or unkempt.
* Say it with style. What you say may not be as important as how you say
it. Play with language. Write poetry. Tell a story. Perform stand-up comedy.
* Be less-than perfect. Regardless of the style you choose or the language
you use to express yourself, be careful not to extol your many virtues
to the point of boredom, or even suspicion. No one can be that perfect.
Your minor faults and charming inconsistencies make you human, interesting
and approachable.
* Avoid sending up red flags. Don't whine, complain or drivel on about
any problems in your life. Refrain from casting yourself in the role of
the victim, the egregiously wronged, or the emotionally mortally wounded.
Never use the word "desperate," or bring up war stories from
past relationships. Be positive and optimistic. Chaos, depression and
drama aren't attractive attributes.
Your Email As A First Impression
Your first email is like the beginning of a cocktail party conversation.
Introduce yourself appropriately. Listen as much as you talk. Show interest
in the other person. Be confident, but also genuine. Make eye contact.
Connect.
As with your profile, first emails should follow basic rules for presentation
and content. Experiment and find a style that works for you. Use the subject
line like a headline, proofread, be creative, positive and genuine. Avoid
anything canned or trite.
Pick-up lines don't work and you will rarely make a good first impression, or get a response using one. First emails should always be individually written and work best when conversational in style. Mention something about the recipient's profile.
Where did you sense
a connection? Ask a question or two and include some brief information
about yourself. It's OK to flirt or tease a little, even during your first
contact, but keep things light and friendly.
First Impressions In The Real World
If all goes well, your spectacular profile and carefully crafted emails
will eventually lead to a first date in the real world. Although you may
feel as though you already know each other, you have yet to become familiar
with each other's physical presence, and that can take some getting used
to. First face-to-face encounters can be awkward or even shocking, regardless
of the positive feelings you already have for each other.
You make your best real-world first impression by just being yourself.
Enjoy the nervous energy you are feeling. Have fun. Smile. People are
perceived as more attractive when they are having a good time. Your date
will form an immediate first (physical) impression of you, usually in
under ten seconds, based on some combination of these attributes:
posture
walk
body language
attire
physical characteristics
smile/facial features
handshake
grooming
scent/perfume
eye contact
perceived confidence
perceived comfortableness
Inside Information
On Positive And Negative Impressions
Several hundred single men and women attending dating and flirting classes
were asked to list the attributes they find attractive and unattractive
in a potential partner. Below is a list of the most frequent responses.
Although many of these attributes may not be immediately apparent, most
will show up sometime during a first date.
Attributes Leading To A Positive Impression:
warmth
sense of humor
imagination
confidence
success
fitness
individuality
body language
conversational ability
aspiration
power
creativity
kindness
Attributes Leading To A Negative Impression:
self-centered
closed minded and judgmental
lack of manners
poor conversational ability
negative life attitude
lack of education
immature
indecisive/without an opinion
lack of integrity
war stories from past relationships
whining and complaining
shallowness
only interested in sex
power games and manipulation
materialistic
There are no do-overs when it comes to first impressions, yet many of us fail to put our best foot forward during early romantic encounters. We want to be loved for who we are and are leery to "package" ourselves in any way.
This
is understandable, but not always realistic. Dating is a numbers game
and, like it or not, dating occurs in a competitive environment. The next
positive, first romantic impression you make may turn into life-long love
-- not a bad return on a relatively minor investment.
Mix 'n Match
Copyright (c) 1999 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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